The Journey to Confidence

I was so intensely concerned about my outer beauty for so long that I would tear myself down at every chance that I got. And I never even felt somewhat proud of myself until I followed the cliche and searched within myself for things I liked. 

We live in an era where there is beauty everywhere. From nature to city skylines to our friends on Instagram– it’s impossible to escape the glory of how pretty everything is. We are currently in a time where everyone is documenting the beautiful things about their lives and sharing it with others, and that’s amazing. I am a firm believer that we should be unyieldingly grateful for all of the beauty the world has to offer. But, if you’re anything like me, sometimes you have trouble not comparing the beauty of your life to the beauty of others.

There are so many girls that should be models, scenic photos that look straight out of a Sandals commercial, and daily vlogs that could rival movie trailers. And, personally, I want so badly to be part of it. I wish I was like those girls who are perfectly tan and skinny, wearing designer clothes and smiling without a care in the world. I even wish that I was girl who could proudly add a selfie on her Snapchat story just because she felt pretty in it and didn’t mind sharing. I wish I was that girl who just leaks with confidence.

But I’m not. I’m this girl, and I have no confidence at all.

From the time of when I was a little girl in grade school until now, I have always compared my image with others. I was never skinny enough. My hair has never been long enough. My face was not symmetrical enough. And I definitely was not pretty enough. And it’s nothing that anybody did. It’s just I would always want to be like other girls. Like my friends who were always rail thin. Like the girl who was never afraid to go up to the boy she liked. Like my older sister who was the coolest person on the planet.

And that constant stream of comparison ruined my mindset. I didn’t think I was as pretty as other girls, so I told myself they didn’t want to be my friend. I didn’t think I was as smart as my best friend, so I never rose my hand in class. I kept on telling myself that I wasn’t enough of something so that I ended up amounting myself into nothing. 

I would stand in front of the mirror and try to search for things to like about myself, and I couldn’t. I was so intensely concerned about my outer beauty for so long that I would tear myself down at every chance that I got. And I never even felt somewhat proud of myself until I followed the cliche and searched within myself for things I liked.

I discovered that I am smart enough. I pushed myself to be proud that I knew the answers to hard questions. I allowed myself to be happy with my test scores. I stopped comparing myself with others at school and started focusing on beating the goals that I set for myself, and it worked. My confidence in my mind manifested into being confident socially. I started talking to people and learned that I was kind of good at it. I learned that  I am actually a decent public speaker and I can use my skills with writing to make me more entertaining during conversations. I found bits and pieces of myself that I liked.

But the problem lies in the fact that the only things that I like about myself are on the inside. And that shouldn’t be a problem, seeing as we have always been told that “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” and “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” But it’s different.

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There is something different about being confident in your character as a person and being confident enough to wear a swimsuit and not want to cry. Both of these types of confidence are extremely important, but when you’re lacking one it can just make you feel empty and ashamed.

I believe that everyone is beautiful and we should all be proud of our skin. But for some reason I struggle so intensely with being positive towards my own body. I always want to hide myself and not be noticed. I worry that people make snide remarks about my appearance when I’m not around. I’ll cry if I look in the mirror for too long.

I hate it. I hate it because I wish that this was an issue that I could fix. I wish that I could smile and not feel the urge to cover it up. I hate that my brain always wants to compare myself with others. I hate that I can’t just wake up and be completely confident in myself.  And I’m trying to fix it, I’m trying to build confidence in myself.

But it’s not an easy solution. Whenever I get compliments, my mind always bites back with the rude thought that someone is just being nice. When a guy flirts with me, I always think that it is some type of joke. It’s hard to build confidence when every step towards it actually pulls you two steps back.

I wish I had a nice conclusion for this post. Maybe a few helpful tips that can build confidence or maybe even a riveting plot twist where some incident in my life made me wake up with more confidence than I could ever imagine. But that’s not the case. I’m still on the long and difficult journey to loving myself, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be fully happy with who I am but at least I’m trying, right?

The only advice for confidence-building that I can give you is if you’re on the battle to be more confident like me, then try to help others on their journey too. Don’t be afraid to tell others that they’re beautiful, or to leave a kind comment on someone’s page. It never hurts to be kind to others. Especially because it’ll make you happier to know that you have the potential to make others smile.

I hope this wasn’t too heavy. This post was more so something that I really felt the urge to get off of my chest. Let’s spread some good vibes and comment below with an aspect of yourself that you’re proud of. Also, be sure to like and follow.And, as always, stay rad. 

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Author: Kelsey Marie

Hello there! I'm Kelsey Marie, a current college student living hundreds of miles away from home. I am here to pass on advice to those in similar situations as myself.

52 thoughts on “The Journey to Confidence”

  3. Your post is the story of my life, sadly. I was bullied really bad in school when I was younger, so my confidence was ripped from me. I always struggled with body image issues and fitting in. Now, I’m learning to embrace who I am, but it’s definitely no overnight process. I’m so glad I read this post because it helps to know I’m not the only one struggling with this.

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    1. I hate that you were bullied in school! I was too and I know it can damage your mentality for years and years. You’re definitely not alone in this! I wish you the best of look in finding more confidence!

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  4. You are being so vulnerable in this blog, that takes a lot of courage, i admire that!
    I totally get what you are writing about and can relate to it. I have been on a self-love journey myself. It is not easy to get there and for me it sometimes seems like a never ending process, but I have faith that one day i will be able to fully embrace myself just the way I am and i have that faith for you to.

    I wrote about this yesterday myself where i wrote some tips as well that really have helped me grow in self-love. Here is the link to it, hopefully it inspires you!

    https://livingtothefullness.wordpress.com/2018/06/22/free-to-love-me/

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    1. Oh, I’m consistently vulnerable with everyone so it didn’t take much courage on my part! I’m happy that you are on the journey towards self-love! I will definitely check out your post!

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  6. Wow, what an amazing post you have written. I can agree with so much of what you’ve said. It can be so tough on people when you don’t feel beautiful yourself and see all these “beautiful” people around you. I feel like it quite often but I’m hoping that I will overcome it, it will be slow but will get there (hopefully)! I wish you the best of luck with your journey too 🙂

    Amy,
    https://creativenails.uk

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  9. AT LEAST you are trying……
    Congratulations…..
    This is your first achievement….👏👏👏👏👏👏👏.
    Celebrate this. Love yourself for this that you are already on the road and be proud of it. Now Enjoy every step, Confidence certainly come to You.
    Best Wishes….
    🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗😘😘😘😘😘😘😘❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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  10. Relatable. I often getting g super conscious about how everyone is good at some sport or music or dancing or Painting and I can’t do none. Also it doesn’t help that I’m an introvert. It feels good to know I’m not the only one.

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  12. My heart broke a lil bit reading this, but can I just say that I LOVE how completely non bitter you are? I’ve read so many posts where people SLATE other girls because they don’t feel as confident and it just turns into this vicious circle of women tearing each other down and NOBODY feeling confident. Honestly, it just that shows what an absolutely beautiful person you are 🙂 I hope you start to gain confidence in yourself: my two biggest tips are to remember that nobody gives a damn (everyone’s too busy being self-conscious to worry about you!) and fake it til you make it. Pretend to be confident and you’ll realise that nobody is going to say or do any of the horrible things you’re worried about. In turn, it usually makes you feel better 😉 xx

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    1. Thank you so much for your advice! My biggest pet peeve is when someone talks about how they lack confidence and then proceed to tear every other person down. It upsets me that when one person doesn’t feel positive, then they want everyone to feel the same way too. I tried my best to make it clear that this isn’t my negative view on body types, just my negative view on myself.

      I’ve been doing the “nobody cares” approach for social situations and it has really worked! I’ve never thought of doing it for outward appearances though, so thank you!

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  13. Thank you for being so honest with your feelings! I have always lacked self confidence. Even at 36 years old I still never feel like I am good enough, pretty enough, thin enough or smart enough. I believe that society has done this to us and it is really sad that you little girls feel this way. Your post was so inspiring and I hope you do celebrate your amazing achievement!!! I am really looking forward to reading more of your posts, I already find you to be pretty incredible! I hope if you have the time you will check out my site. I always aim to encourage and inspire others through the words I share! I hope you have an amazing weekend!!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind comments! I do think that society has something to do with it, seeing as there are so many studies with the affect that media has on body image. I hoped by sharing that other people wouldn’t feel alone in this long journey. Thank you so much for your compliments, I’ll definitely check out your posts! I love inspiring pieces.

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      1. You are very welcome! It is sad how much we suffer because we fear our body image is not good enough. I think I am learning that our body image is just that, an image, but there is way more beyond just that image!!

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  14. I think it is so important to share posts like this to show that everyone struggles with self-confidence at times and that we are not all as happy as we make out to be online. It is a long struggle to be fully confident in yourself and love yourself exactly the way you are but it comes with time. I found following girls on social media with similar body types to myself useful and thinking of things that I loved about my body e.g. my legs being strong enough to carry me places, my blue eyes. xx

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind comment! I feel some people feel the need to be like “My life is constantly perfect!” online and sometimes it’s important to remind others that that’s not the case. Thank you so much for your advice, I’ll definitely try them out!!

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  16. Hi Kelsey! Your vulnerability and honesty is beautiful. Posts like these make me feel confident and not so alone whenever I’m feeling insecure. I thank you for sharing your deep thoughts with us because whether people want to admit it, we all can be insecure. It’s ok to feel it. Only time it becomes a problem is when we let that insecurity slowly peel us away.

    The first step is to admit you’re insecure and then attack it. Figure out what makes you feel that way and do little things to change it. I wrote a post about how I haven’t worn shorts in 10+ years because someone told me my thighs were fat. It made insecure but one day I went into the store and accidentally pick up shorts thinking it was a skirt. I bought it too. Although I haven’t worn the shirts in public, I published pictures of me in the shorts, which is forever online now.

    My point is just go for it because we are our own biggest critics. Once you conquer the fear of judgement by saying, “I don’t care what you think of me” whether it’s posting a pic of you and acne, speaking to strangers, etc. You will always feel 10x better!

    Natonya | http://www.justnatonya.wordpress.com

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    1. Thank you so much for such a kind and well thought out comment! I have given myself the goal of taking more leaps and trying to branch myself out farther from the box that my insecurities have forced me into. Thank you so much for sharing your story about shorts! Whoever told you that was very unkind, but I’m glad you have taken strides to be more comfortable with yourself. Thank you so much!

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  17. Truly love this honest post! It’s like I’m reading my own life. You’re not alone but trust me, you, we are beautiful! xx

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  19. THANKYOU. It takes alot to bare oneself like that, and clearly all of us really appreciate you doing so ❤ Great post, it was so touching and really resonated with not just me, but im sure all your readers. Looking forward to more from you x

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  20. Thank you so much for your venerability for this post! Confidence is something that is hard to come by these days for us woman! You are so beautiful and also inspiring! I love your blog (even though I just started following you lol) I am on the same journey of falling in love with myself as well! ❤️😇😘

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  22. Pingback: The Mystery Blogger Award – Kelsey + Life

  24. Thank you for writing this blog post. I’m also in the same situation currently and I’m glad someone can voiced out this feeling perfectly.

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  26. I read this thrice. This is SO me. Underconfident I have always been. You are an inspiring soul and an amazing writer. You earned a follow !! Thank you so much for this post.

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