The Mystery Blogger Award

I am filled with disbelief over the fact that I have been nominated for another award. And this time, I was nominated by FOUR different people! Can you believe that? Some people actually kind of sort of enjoy my blog! This is insane!

I am filled with disbelief over the fact that I have been nominated for another award. And this time, I was nominated by FOUR different people! Can you believe that? Some people actually kind of sort of enjoy my blog! This is insane!

Thank you to Manessah, Mrs. AnonymousLavanya, and Thekabys. All four of these creators have blogs that I genuinely enjoy and I simply cannot put into words how shocked/grateful I am that you guys thought to nominate me. Please check them out!

For those of you who don’t know (because I didn’t) the Mystery Blogger Award is awarded to amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. “Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for blogger who find fun and inspiration in blogging and they do it with so much love and passion” – Okoto Enigma (creator).

Now let’s get to the fun part!

THE RULES

  1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  3. Give three facts about yourself and link your best post.
  4. Answer the questions from the person who nominated you.
  5. Nominate other bloggers and ask your nominees 5 questions of your choice.
  6. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.

THE FACTS (ABOUT ME)

  1. I’M NOTHING WITHOUT….. my glasses. I’ve had to wear glasses since I was in first grade because my eyesight is horrific. I cannot read anything from the vision chart– even the massive E– without a little bit of help from my glasses.
  2. MY FAVORITE MAKEUP PRODUCT IS… mascara. I’m a natural blonde so I have been cursed with the fact that both my eyebrows and my eyelashes are ice blonde. If mascara wasn’t a thing then I would constantly look like a rabbit.
  3. I’M A FIRM BELIEVER THAT…. the world is actually a great place. I know that there are a lot of bad things going on and poverty and war leaves a nasty mark on humanity. But there are also so many beautiful things that we overlook, like the amount of nonprofit charities that exist and how beautiful sunsets are everyday.

MY BEST POST 

The Journey to Confidence. This one has the most comments and is also one of my favorites! If you haven’t checked it out, you should! It was really helpful to write.

THE QUESTIONS YOU’RE DYING TO KNOW

Seeing as I was nominated by four people, I’ve decided to take my favorite question from each blogger and then randomly choose the fifth one out of the remaining sixteen.

  1. What’s the best thing about yourself? At first I wasn’t going to answer this. I don’t like to give myself credit for anything because I have this weird complex that I’m not allowed to like myself. But then I was like, no. I want to be confident. I want to start smiling when I look in the mirror. And this could be a baby step in the right direction. I think the best thing about myself is my mind. And looks-wise, my eyes.
  2. A movie or song that resonates with you?? Its Kind of a Funny Story is an amazing book and movie that makes me feel things that I struggle to explain. Also, the song “Girl Almighty” empowers me so much that it’s not even funny.
  3. How different was your life one year ago? So insanely different that it is not even funny. I was in a very dark place. Probably one of the darkest places I’ve ever been in. I just lost someone very meaningful in my life to cancer. On top of that, I was petrified of going to college so far away from home and I wanted to give up before everything even started. All of the changes set out before me was daunting, and I was so sure I was going to be a college dropout before I was technically even a college student. But I went to college anyways and I forced myself to branch out and welcome the changes before me. And now I’m here, in love with my college, happier than I’ve been in a while, and so happy that I didn’t give up.
  4. Who/what inspired you to start blogging? When I was little I was in love with writing. I filled countless journals with written nonsense about everything from cute boys to my fear of death (I was a very intense child). That love for writing about myself shifted into a love about writing for everything. Writing has always been my strong suit in school, and I think its because I genuinely love it. As I’ve gotten older, that love has never stopped. So I decided to find an outlet to continue to write about everything that I feel the urge to, so that’s why this blog was created.
  5. If you could travel back in time and give your younger self some advice, what would it be? Tell people you love them. Don’t think that everyone will think you’re weird for giving them affection. If they’re important to you– tell them. Because one day you won’t be able to and you will regret that you didn’t so, so much.

 

My Questions & Nominations

I’ve decided that this time around, if anybody really likes one of my questions, then they are more than welcome to answer it in the comments! I think it’ll be a great way to start some conversations and maybe even build some new friendships!

  1. What was a defining moment in your life that made you who you are?
  2. What has been your favorite thing about blogging?
  3. What has been your least favorite thing about blogging?
  4. Is there one thing you can do to instantly lift your mood?
  5. If you could have a conversation with anybody (dead or alive) who would it be?

For this award, I’m going to nominate a few of my favorite bloggers that I’ve recently found: Kourtney,  TheLexiEdit, Beauty and the Being, Colour Me Yellow, & Glow Steady!

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If you have read this entire post, then you deserve a cookie! I hope this was an enjoyable read for you! Thanks again to everyone who nominated me. Be sure to leave a comment answering one of my questions. Also, leave a like and don’t be shy– follow me! And, as always, stay rad.

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How To Survive: A Music Festival

Ahh, music festivals. A time for good music, outrageous outfits, and the inescapable fumes that could rival a frat house at 2 A.M. all for the small price of at least a hundred dollars. If you’ve ever been to a music festival, then you know that it’s not as simple as buying your ticket and showing up. There’s a lot of planning and preparation that goes into actually being able to enjoy your time at a music festival. And I would know, because I messed up in almost every way possible when I went to the Bunbury Music Festival and just barely survived the experience. I don’t want that to happen to you, dear reader.

So, learn from my mistakes and read on to see how to survive going to a music festival.

Step One:

Make sure you can afford the tickets. If you’re kind of thinking about going to a music festival, then do some research. Make sure you’re a fan of at least a handful of performers. Look at your bank account and decide if it will be worth starving for. And, for the love of God, don’t wait until the last second to get your ticket because they will most definitely sell out.

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Step Two:

So, you bought your ticket. Congratulations. It should all be smooth sailing from now, right? Right? Wrong. Now is the time for you to look at the line-up and make a general idea of who you would want to see and what times they perform. Because what fool would buy tickets to a music festival and not try to make a tentative schedule of what they plan on seeing? (Spoiler alert: I’m the fool. I had no idea when anything was happening. It got confusing so quickly.)

Step Three:

This is the best part. Plan your outfit(s). Look at the weather forecast to see if it will be hotter than Satan’s kitchen or if it will be raining profusely while also being hotter than Satan’s kitchen and arrange your outfit accordingly. Also, wear something you’ll be comfortable. And do not, I repeat do not, wear shoes that are a size too small because your feet will literally never forgive you.

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Step Four:

Find your sleeping arrangements. Whether it be in a tent or at a hotel, have something planned out so that you won’t end up having to sleep on the ground using a map of the festival as a blanket. And if you’re gonna try to stay at a hotel: book it early. Because, once again, they will probably sell out.

Step Five:

Get to your hotel or whatever, get dressed, use the bathroom, and get an Uber. Even if you’re familiar with the city you’re at, still get the Uber because it will be so much cheaper than the obscene price for parking. Also, if you’re planning on drinking, you should definitely make sure that you are unable to get behind the wheel of a car.

Step Six:

You’ve made it! Make sure you stay with a friend at all times. Go to the concerts you want to see. Take part in the food trucks that are there. Buy yourself something horribly overpriced to remember the day by. Oh, and be prepared to sweat. A lot.

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Step Seven:

If you want a great seat to a headliner, get there early. Like, if you were to go see Post Malone, for example, don’t wait until thirty minutes before he’s set to start. Or else you’ll probably get stuck behind that one girl with no respect who has to get on her man’s shoulders and block everyone’s view of the show.

Step Eight:

Schedule your ride home early. Just in the off chance that all of cell service crashes and you find yourself sitting aimlessly in the busy city streets calling your mom in a state of panic because you cannot find a ride home. Also, bring pepper spray, because you might have to find yourself having to scare off a creepy guy who keeps staring at you.

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Step Nine:

Get in your Uber. Enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes from watching the concert. Ignore the horrible smell that has clung to your clothes thanks to the guy who vaped like a freight train right beside you. And have a nice life chat with your Uber who is just trying to pay his way through med school and is oddly very motivational.

Step Ten:

Congratulations! You survived (barely)! Reward yourself with some midnight pizza and look through the obscene amounts of photos and videos you took.

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I hope you enjoyed this! I’m planning on making this into a ‘How To Survive’ series with all different types of scenarios. Comment below if you’ve ever had a failed experience with something that was supposed to be epic. Also, be sure to like and follow. And, as always, stay rad!

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My Secrets Revealed *The Liebster Award*

Stay tuned for eleven fascinating facts about myself that you more than likely didn’t care to know. 

Well, I have been officially been nominated for my second award. And even though I can’t believe that I have been nominated for one award, I guess it is time for me to accept I am officially (kind of) a blogger. Thanks a million times to BiterMarshmellos for thinking of me at all when given the chance to. It means a lot that you think enough of my blog to want others to venture over to my small circle of readers.

As there always is with awards, there are some rules that I should follow. I’ll list them really quickly right now: 1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you. 2. Share 11 facts about yourself. 3. Answer the 11 questions the blogger gave to you 4. Nominate 11 bloggers who deserve the award. 5. Create 11 original questions for the nominees to answer. 6. Let them know they’ve been nominated! And now I’m about to break them.

See, I’ve already answered most of the lovely questions I’ve been asked in other posts, so I have decided to use this as an opportunity to list some lesser known facts about myself so you can get to know the girl behind the blog a little bit more. So, stay tuned for eleven fascinating facts about myself that you more than likely didn’t care to know.

11 Facts About Me That I Probably Shouldn’t Put on the Internet

1. I have a dog and he’s kind of a jerk. And, no, I’m not being dramatic. My dog is one of the most self-absorbed animals I have ever encountered. He will give you the cold shoulder, knock your phone out of your hand, and expect belly rubs all at the once. He only cares about himself and cheese. So, he’s essentially me in dog form.

2. I’m tall and it’s annoying. Not to height-shame or anything, but any of my fellow tall girls can relate with me when I say it kinda sucks to be tall. Because, guys who are shorter typically don’t want to date you for fear of their losing their masculinity. Guys who are your exact height make you feel like you are constantly having to battle for dominance. And the guys who are taller than you always seem to want to be with girls who are literally less than five feet tall. And don’t even get me started on the short girls who refuse to date any guy less than six feet tall. But those tall guys won’t be so happy with their choice when their future kids can’t make it on varsity because they’re a few inches too short so HA.

3. I’m an extremely picky eater. There are picky eaters, and then there are picky eaters who literally eat basically the same exact meal everyday. I just so happen to fall in the latter. I am so outrageously picky that it even annoys myself. And I know you’re probably thinking “Oh it can’t be that bad.” Well, trust me, Susan. It is. I eat salad without dressing. I hate hamburgers. And hotdogs. And steak. And turkey. And fish (except for certain types of sushi). I also hate mashed potatoes, ice cream, and basically almost every other food that the rest of the world seems to love.

4. I’ve never been out of the country. But I’m planning on changing that soon. When I was little I was always filled with wanderlust. I wanted to go everywhere and experience everything. I also had an unhealthy obsession with Great Britain (we can thank the band One Direction for that). I always thought by the time I reached this age I would have at least visited Canada by now, but I haven’t. I do hope to study abroad soon, though, so stay tuned to see if I ever get to travel.

5. Speaking of country: I’m from the south. Which, is fun, I guess? There’s not many things for people to do here and the restaurant options are terrible, but I love it down here. There’s nothing more beautiful than the sight of a colorful sunset reaching through the trees. But there’s also nothing worse than the smell of fertilizer during the summer, so you win some and you lose some, I guess.

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6. I go to college in the city. My college is only around three hours away from my hometown but it honestly feels like an entirely different world. There are so many places to see and new adventures to discover. I love being close to shopping malls and movie theaters and the insane amounts of amazing restaurants. But, the downfalls of being up here is the homesickness, obviously, and how terrible the traffic can be. I’m happy with my decision, though, because I love my college.

7. I’m in a sorority. Which, is seriously something I never would have predicted to happen in my life. I’m a first generation college student so my only knowledge of Greek Life as a whole was based off of movies like Neighbors and I was kind of skeptical of it. But now, my sorority is such a big part of my life that I can’t imagine myself not being in it. I’ll probably make a post later talking about why I joined.

8. Beauty products are making me broke. Right now there are so many amazing (and expensive) brands out there with so many great products. And while it’s awesome that there are so many options out there that I want to own, it is not so great for my bank account. Seriously, I should be banned from walking into a Sephora for the next five years so that I can have a healthy adult bank account.

9. My dream job is to be a producer. Ever since I was little I have been obsessed with media. Television, movies, books, magazines– everything. I’ve always just been so entranced by the world of pop culture and have always wanted to be a part of it. And as I’ve grown older and tried my hand at editing and public relations, I’ve realized that my passion has never faded. I want to one day be the person behind the scenes, making something that will inspire others on a global scale.

10. Shopping irritates me. And no, it’s not because I detest malls or because I am not a big fan of fashion. I actually love fashion and could spend hours on end at the mall if I had the time or the money. I just get upset because there is a serious lack of fashionable and reasonably-priced clothes for curvy girls who aren’t average height. Any tall or petite girl can relate to this when I say it is nearly impossible to find jeans to fit correctly at a store. And if you happen to have a chest then best of look on finding a shirt that won’t feel too tight over that area! And, for the love of God, don’t get me started on how impossible it is to find shorts or a skirt if you’re tall and want it to be able to stay at a length that your dad wouldn’t disown you for wearing. It’s like retailers only cater to a certain type of body type and studiously ignore the rest of us. I would love to be able to walk into a store, find fashionable clothes that actually fit me, and not have to pay an arm and a leg for it.

11. I literally have no idea what my future holds. But I’m (wishfully) thinking that most other people my age feel the same exact way. I’m not sure if one day I’ll be a mother. Or if I’ll ever get married. Heck, I don’t even know where I plan on living after I graduate from college. Right now, my entire future can only be defined with a massive question mark. And that’s kind of terrifying, but hey. We’re not supposed to have our entire lives completely mapped out before we turn twenty, right? So, for now, I’ll take things one step at a time and try to figure things out as I navigate through life. And of course, I’ll keep you guys updated along my journey.

 

My Nominations

Since I recently did a post similar to this and will be nominating similar people, instead of asking them additional questions, I figured I would just ask them to also share eleven facts about themselves too so that I can learn more about them. During my short time on this site, I have discovered that there are so many fascinating creators on this site and I wish I had the time to get to know each of them individually. I look up to so many other bloggers on this site, and I hope that one day people will look up to me as well. So, I am planning on using this opportunity to get to know more about these certain people.

Please follow and check out the blogs of all of my nominees, because they are all genuinely talented people who deserve even more recognition: Tasha Louise, Just M.E., Chloe Burford, Scattered Stars, Jenny Lee, Nicculent, and Alex McKay.

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I hope you enjoyed this! I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that when someone sees an award, that I would even pop in their head. It means so much to me! I have a lot of plans for the future of this blog and I hope you guys stick around as I go on this journey! Comment below a fact about yourself that not many people know. Also, be sure to like and follow to stay up to date with me! And, as always, stay rad. 

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The Perfect Summer Playlist

You need a perfect summer playlist that is happy and has a mixture of all of the genres of music, but have no fear, here is a post that is built entirely to suggest the best songs to blare in your car on a warm summer afternoon.

You’re in the car taking the winding backroads at about five miles too fast, the windows are down, your best friend is in the passenger seat, and you have your volume turned all of the way up. The warm summer sun beats down on the arm that you have dangled halfway out of your window. Your sunglasses are sliding down the bridge of your nose and your hair is a complete mess but you don’t mind because it’s summer and the trees on either side of the road are blurring together to dilute into a perfect shade of deep green. It’s summer and everything is perfect. Well, almost perfect.

Because you have yet to craft your perfect summer playlist and you have to keep skipping through songs so that you can maintain the happy and carefree vibe that you’re currently experiencing.

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You need a perfect summer playlist that is happy and has a mixture of all of the genres of music, but have no fear, here is a post that is built entirely to suggest the best songs to blare in your car on a warm summer afternoon.

  • Uptown Girl – Billy Joel. 
  • One – VHS Collection
  • Forgetting All About You – Phoebe Ryan
  • Overwhelming – Jon Bellion
  • Stung – Quinn XCII
  • Better Now – Post Malone
  • Never Fall in Love – Jack Antonoff, MO
  • PinkTree – Caye
  • Love Lies – Khalid, Normani (Snakehips Remix)
  • Solo – Demi Lovato, Clean Bandit
  • 2 U – Pink Slip
  • Winnebago – Griffin, Quinn XCII, Daniel Wilson
  • Playinwitme – KYLE, Kehlani
  • I Believe In A Thing Called Love – The Darkness
  • Young – Cosmos & Creature (Win & Woo Remix)
  • Glory Days – Hayley Kiyoko (Moophs Remix)
  • Come on Eileen –
  • Look At Us Now – Lost Kings, A$AP Ferg
  • I’m OK – Shaylen, Manila Killa, AOBeats
  • The Way It Was – Coast Modern
  • Spice Girl – Anime 
  • Bad 4 U – Imad Royal
  • Cheers – MoonzZ
  • Talk Too Much – Coin
  • Ugly Heart – GRL
  • Weekend – Louis the Child
  • Final Song – MO
  • Aloha – Mome
  • All Star – Smashmouth
  • Carry On – fun. 
  • Gives You Hell – All American Rejects
  • Bennie and the Jets – Elton John
  • Dancing Queen – ABBA 
  • When I Grow Up – Confetti
  • Jessies Girl – Rick Springfield
  • Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynyrd 
  • Red Red Wine – UB40
  • Sober Up – AJR

I hope that this gives you some inspiration for your own summer playlist! If you’re interested, I can post the link to my spotify playlist! Comment your current favorite summer jam, mine is Solo by Demi Lovato.

As always; be sure to like, comment, and follow! Stay rad!

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My Summer Bucket List

During summertime, you become consumed with this need to do something, whether it be to take risks and go adventures or maybe just start a diet and work out more often. I feel like everyone feels kind of restless during the summer, so it is important to have a kind of outline of what you wish to accomplish during this period of time when the sky is the limit.

There’s something so special about summer. Maybe it’s the fresh air, the flowers in full bloom, or the warm weather– but there is something so specifically thrilling about this certain time that sparks a new life into your soul. During summertime, you become consumed with this need to do something, whether it be to take risks and go adventures or maybe just start a diet and work out more often. I feel like everyone feels kind of restless during the summer, so it is important to have a kind of outline of what you wish to accomplish during this period of time when the sky is the limit.

And personally, there are several things that I want to do during this summer, so I decided to write down all of the adventures that I hope to take part of this summer. Here are just a few of the things that I hope to do over the next few months.

 1. Eat healthier and work out more

I feel like this is on everyone’s bucket list. Which, why shouldn’t it be? If you have a desire to live a healthier lifestyle, then why not try to aspire to do so? I mean, knowing me, I’m definitely not gonna follow through. But hey, at least I took the initiative to add it my list, right? I feel like I deserve a gold star or something for taking that step.

2. Get a tan

Again, this is another basic thing everyone aspires to do over the summer. I feel like there should be some sort of scientific study conducted to see why people are so much happier when they get a tan. I personally believe it’s because my skin is as white as Elmer’s Glue and it is always a welcome change to not have your skin instantly reflect any ounce of light that it comes in contact with.

But, I do have to state that while I’ll try to attempt to cross this off of my bucket list, I will most definitely get a sunburn and then, without a doubt, will complain relentlessly about the sunburn until it fades into a tan.

3. Revamp my wardrobe 

Honestly, I’m getting tired of wearing the same clothes that I’ve had since middle school. Especially since I’m not in high school anymore and dress codes no longer exist, I personally feel like I should take this opportunity and buy as many rompers as my basic white girl heart desires.

4. Have a photoshoot with a friend

A little hardly-known fact about me is that I’m that friend that is obsessed with pictures. If we are ever at any type of event, I will without a doubt take a thousand pictures of you in different places and poses because I love to make my friends feel beautiful. I’ve always wanted to have a little photoshoot just for fun and because I love taking pictures, and I feel like this would be a great way to spend some quality time with a pal.

5. Make some crafts 

Okay, so you know when you’re scrolling through Instagram or Facebook and you start by looking at all of the updates on your friends’ lives and then suddenly you’re watching the fiftieth DIY about how to make a wreath out of a hoola hoop and some twine? Well, after doing this at least a thousand times, I feel like I should probably set a goal to do at least now craft over the summer. Especially because I find crafting to be super calming.

And yes, I completely understand that this goal makes me sound like a soccer mom.

6. Go to the mountains

My favorite place in the world is the mountains. It’s so breathtakingly beautiful up there and the fact that you automatically lose service once you get up high enough makes you connect with the serene beauty around you in a way that is just so freeing. The certain mountains that I love to visit also happens to have several amazing restaurants and museums that are some of my favorite places to go when on a trip. If you want to know more about what I do when I visit the mountains, I’ll more than likely make a blog about it once I visit, so stay tuned!

7.Visit some friends from college

College has blessed me with meeting some of the most amazing and genuine souls in my life, I know that I haven’t known these new people for that long, but being in a close proximity to them 24/7 for months has kind of spoiled me with being able to see them at any given moment. My life became so dependent on these people that were complete strangers less than a year ago and I legitimately do not know how I survived before I met them. I miss them already and we haven’t even been apart for a month yet, so I plan on taking a road trip to visit some college friends and reconnect.

8. Host a bonfire 

When it’s summer, it’s like this unwritten law that you have to gorge yourself on smores. And where there are smores, there must be a bonfire. There’s nothing more cliche and entertaining than being able to set beside a fire and laugh into the starry night with some of your closest friends on a warm summer night. I personally feel like this item should have a spot on every person’s summer bucket list simply because bonfires are so great.

9. Build my confidence

This is more of a personal goal, one that I have tried to accomplish for years now. I’m not the most confident person, and I want to try to work on that. So, this summer I’m planning on doing enough self-care and affirmation to myself that hopefully I leave the summer just the tiniest bit more confident.

10. Read (at least) two books

I love reading and I think it is always important to continue expanding your mind even when you are not expected to. Also, there are tons of great books out there that I have told myself I am going to read but just haven’t gotten around to it yet. So why not take the time to treat myself to a good book or two?

11. Have a picnic

Picnics are the best. I remember when I was younger, I always wondered why in movies there were always so many picnic dates, but now I completely understand why. I went on one picnic that was supposed to last for about half an hour but I ended up staying there for over four hours. There was something just so serene about being able to eat and chat with some of your closest friends in the shade as you watch everyone else walk by and enjoy the sunshine too. If you’re ever feeling down– go on a picnic. Trust me, the best way to eat a sandwich is to go outside and have to fight off seventy ants while doing so.

12. Go to the beach

Ninky Menjaj said it best when she said “let’s go to the beach beach!” (Please someone get that vine reference). I love the beach, I love the ocean, I love all of the restaurants by the beach, I love being able to wake up and hear waves crashing against the sun. There are just so many things to love about the beach that a summer is never complete without visiting it. Now, here’s to hoping my wallet can handle a trip to the beach.

(Spoiler alert: it can’t).

13. Build the perfect summer playlist

I’m currently in the works of this right now because the key to making amazingly memorable moments is to have the perfect song crooning in the background. But, making the perfect playlist to fit the exciting vibe of summer has started to prove difficult, so if you have any suggestions please share some with me!

14. Go to an Amusement Park

Rollercoasters, funnel cakes, ferris wheels, oversized pizza slices, and water slides. Need I say more? I love amusement parks, and I am lucky enough to have one at a reasonable distance from my home, so I’ll definitely be crossing this one off of my list. There’s nothing better than combining a sugar high with an adrenaline rush, am I right?

15. Go to a music festival

I love music, I love being outside, and I love having an excuse to dress in outrageous outfits. And music festivals somehow are able to combine all of the things that I love into one. Ever since I was little, I always wanted to have a Woodstock-esque experience and be able to sway to some of my favorite songs on a beautiful summer day.

And that’s my summer bucket list. I hope that I can cross all of these items off of my list without breaking the bank, and I’ll be sure to update you guys with my progress!

Be sure to comment below items on your summer bucket list, I want to see what you guys hope to accomplish this season. As always, give me a like and a follow. I am making sure to follow everyone back!

Have a great summer and stay rad–

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Eternally Single

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes pushing a baby carriage. This is supposed to be the general outline of an adult life. 

But what happens if you can’t even find love?

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes pushing a baby carriage. This is supposed to be the general outline of an adult life.

But what happens if you can’t even find love?

No, I’m serious. What if you genuinely seem to be incapable of loving another person in a romantic way? What if you have spent the entirety of your life being single and honestly don’t see that changing anytime soon? What are you supposed to do, invest in cat toys?

And, as a quick disclaimer, I want you to be aware of the fact that this is in no way me making a half-assed ploy to lure someone into loving me. Because I truly don’t know if I am made for love. This is no way a self-depreciating statement, either. I just honestly find myself to be too independent and too unwilling to let myself fall in love when I have other important things to do like build up my resume, maintain my GPA, and prepare for a future where I can be happy and successful. I’m not writing this to have comments saying “don’t worry, love will come your way soon!” or “Don’t be so hard on yourself! Love will come at the time when you least expect it!”

I haven’t expected love in the last nineteen years of my life, and it hasn’t made it’s advances to me. And honestly, I’m happy with not being loved.

There’s something in my brain that just makes me feel this adverse reaction to love. When someone shows genuine affection or attraction to me, I feel repulsed.

Seriously.

Love repulses me. And that’s like the opposite of what I should feel. So. There’s that.

And, no, I’m not saying that there is not a chance that there might be someone to come into my life and change my entire outlook. There is definitely a chance of that happening, and as I have learned from the great philosopher, Justin Bieber, you should “never say never.” But right now I seriously cannot see myself falling in love.

I feel like I’m at the point of my life where there are so many things up in the air. I mean, I am in the first breaths of being an adult, and I quite honestly don’t think I am a balanced enough of a person to be able to prioritize myself as well as a partner. In this certain era of my life, I have some serious questions to answer. I have to figure out what I want to do as a career, where I want to live, and learn how to manage adult things like taxes and health insurance. And don’t even get me started on how much money it takes to provide myself the bare essentials like food and water and wifi. At this point, I am a minimally functioning adult with a lot of learning left to do. I can hardly take care of myself and keep myself happy. How can I provide for a partner too on top of that?

And I know that having someone to love might release some of my stress, but I just genuinely can’t see myself loving someone. Every time I get emotionally close to someone, I feel consumed with this need to push them away. Also, in this day and age, it is increasingly hard to be a virgin in a relationship. Especially if you don’t plan on losing your virginity anytime soon. But that’s a whole other blog post.

I think at this point in time, I am just confused. Love is confusing. Everyone around me seems to be on the prowl for their future husband. Or for their next lay. But either way neither of those things interest me. And I know everyone says that I will find love when I’m ready, but what if I am never ready?

What if love just isn’t for me? What happens then? Am I destined to live a life that is akin to every Tina Fey movie ever where everyone around me thrives and finds love and I funnel my entire life into my job because it is my only sense of purpose? Seriously, what happens?

Society acts like a woman’s only purpose is to fall in love and have children. But what about the women that are happier being single? Do I have no purpose anymore?

I wish I could find the answers to my questions. But it’s not like you can just go online and say “Hey Google, I am a coldhearted idiot who seems to be incapable of loving. Fix me!”

So, that’s why I’m writing this. Is there anyone else who is eternally single too? Did someone think that they were destined to be single forever but then their soulmate came in and changed everything? Should I try to force myself into dating even though I hate it?

Seriously, what am I supposed to do?

Woes of a Child Prodigy

They told me I was smart, they told me that I was destined for greatness. All because I bubbled in correct answers on a standardized test. I understand that she said those things to motivate me, to push me onto the correct path. But all she really did was put an obscene amount of stress on a child’s shoulders. My teachers, family, and classmates looked at me like I was ‘advanced,’ and I believed it. I took every word that she said to heart and tried to be the prodigy that she painted me out to be.

But what she forgot to forewarn me of is that every human inevitably has to fail.

When I was six years old, I was pulled out of my math class and was told that I was ‘special.’

They talked about my subpar test scores, and for the first time in my life I had the mentality that I was supposed to be perfect drilled in my head. My teacher spoke to me in words that were too large for my young self to fully understand, but I walked out of her small office with an entirely new outlook on life.

They told me I was smart, they told me that I was destined for greatness. All because I bubbled in correct answers on a standardized test. I understand that she said those things to motivate me, to push me onto the correct path. But all she really did was put an obscene amount of stress on a child’s shoulders. My teachers, family, and classmates looked at me like I was ‘advanced,’ and I believed it. I took every word that she said to heart and tried to be the prodigy that she painted me out to be.

But what she forgot to forewarn me of is that every human inevitably has to fail.

Everybody screws up, that is just part of life. But when you are told from a very young age that you are special and above average, failure simply does not seem like an option for you. Any grade that is not a hundred makes you feel like you should be doing more. Any question that you might have should be left unsaid because it is expected of you to understand everything at a faster rate than everyone else. This mentality of expecting for yourself to be better than you actually are makes you spiral quickly into failure.

And when you fail, it feels like you are doing more than just failing yourself. You feel like you have let down your parents, your teachers, and your peers. It’s a harsh fall from superiority to realizing that nothing about you makes you any more special than anybody else. And while it does help you gain perspective about life that every person has something that makes them special in some way, it can still hurt you greatly.

The transition from knowing that you are something special to realizing that you are nothing has caused for an increased spike in teenage depression in the past few years. This flawed system of dividing kids at a young age due to their academic performance has created an environment that builds stress for children on both sides of the spectrum.

Why was there never a lesson where the teacher explained that every person has the capability to be extraordinary, and that academics is not the most important aspect of one’s personality? When will we not feel confined to the labels we were given at a young age?

Being a child prodigy was not easy, especially now that I am an average student at best. But being on the opposite side of the spectrum was not easy for those students either. I get aggravated with myself for not living up to everyone else’s expectations, but I know on the other side that the ones who were labelled as below-average are proud of themselves for not confining themselves to the expectations they had years ago.

I believe that this means that, overall, we should not define ourselves to others expectations. Part of growing up is realizing that you’re going to mess up, but also that sometimes you will succeed. How you performed on a standardized test in first grade does not define the person that you are now, and it shouldn’t.

The only thing that should define who you are is yourself.