Life’s Hardest Pills to Swallow

As I’ve went through life and experienced different setbacks, I have come across what I call some of life’s hardest pills to swallow, which are the harsh truths of life that kind of contradict everything that we have been told at a young age. 

When we were kids, we were taught several important lessons. And these lessons can range from always chew with your mouth closed to the mantra of “sharing is caring.” Our minds are filled to the brim of different wisdoms that cause for us to cultivate some sort of expectation about how life should work. We learn that if we say sorry, then we will be forgiven. We are taught that if we treat people with kindness, then people will be kind in return. And, if we love someone, then they will definitely love us back.

But, as we grow older and gain more experiences, we learn that this bits of wisdoms are not as rigidly true as they are made out to be. Life cannot be contained into following the path that you want it to. People aren’t going to act the way you expect them to. And these facts can lead to you facing some realizations that you weren’t ever really prepared for.

As I’ve went through life and experienced different setbacks, I have come across what I call some of life’s hardest pills to swallow, which are the harsh truths of life that kind of contradict everything that we have been told at a young age.

Sometimes People Are Just Not Going to Like You

This was extremely difficult for me to accept because I am the definition of a people pleaser. I have this unyielding desire for everyone I meet to like me. I want everyone to smile when they think of me and only ponder over my good qualities. But life isn’t like that. There have been several people who disliked me from my first impression due to my terrible case of RBF and I was able to rationalize that they just haven’t gotten the chance to know the real me. But even after people have seen my real personality, I have had people who just didn’t like me and there was nothing I could do to change that.

And, at first, I couldn’t stand it. I wanted people to like me so badly that it wounded me when somebody did not. I would spend all of my energy trying to convince these people that I was worth their time and that I had qualities that I felt they would enjoy. And the only result of that was me wasting my time on people who completely lacked interest.

So, I decided to invest my time in people who actually cared for me then those who did not. It is so much more beneficial to the care of your deep friendships rather than sacrifice them because you’re so busy trying to impress those who don’t even care. Instead of obsessing over what was wrong with me, I started to see the qualities of myself that the ones close to me adore and I continued to build on those instead.

Learning this life lesson caused for me to suffer a big blow to my confidence, but in the end, I think it has helped me grow in ways that I can’t really articulate.

You Can’t Decide When You Should Be Forgiven

When you do something wrong, you should say sorry. That’s a simple fact. And you should apologize when you hurt somebody, don’t get me wrong on that. But the thing that is often glossed over is that when we say sorry, we immediately expect someone to accept our apology and forgive us. But that’s not really how life actually pans out.

If you hurt someone’s feelings, you can’t decide when the person should be over it. Even if you are truly sorry and regret what you have done, it’s not up to you to feel that the entire ordeal should be forgiven. You don’t have control over the emotions of others. The only thing you can do in this situation is be respectful of the other person’s feelings and be aware that the world doesn’t move at the pace that you wish it did. I know it’s difficult when you apologize to someone and they don’t forgive you because that goes against everything that we have been taught since we were little. But life doesn’t always perfectly mirror all of the morals that we have ingrained in our minds. My only advice to someone in a similar situation is to remember that action speaks louder than words, so truly show your remorse through your behavior to this person.

You Are Not Entitled to Have Someone’s Love

This seems to be one of the most difficult pills to swallow for some people. When it comes to love, we have been told that true love will always win out in the end. And if you love someone but they haven’t given you that love in return, then you should continue to make them fall for you. But that is definitely not the case.

If someone doesn’t love you back, respect that. Just because you feel that you deserve a fairy tale ending with someone does not mean that they will ever feel the same way. Sometimes people just simply won’t reciprocate your feelings and you can’t get angry with them because of that because you are not entitled to have them be returned.

Does it feel like you are being stabbed in the heart when someone doesn’t love you the way you love them? Yes. But you have to remember that you cannot control someone’s heart. You can’t make them feel something that they cannot. And if you try to convince them into feeling something that they don’t and try to force a relationship, it will only hurt you even more because you are not going to be as happy as you thought you would be. Someone might make you the happiest person on Earth, but that doesn’t mean that you are the person that makes them happy. And that’s the cold, hard truth. But you can maintain a relationship with this person and use this experience as a lesson for the next time you devote your love to someone because you will find your person eventually.

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I know that this post may seem a little dark, but I don’t intend for it to feel that way. These are all important lessons in life, and even if you haven’t experienced these situations before, you can take a lot away from this.

Personally, I have taken away the knowledge that you cannot have complete control over every aspect of your life, no matter how badly you want to be in control. Life has it’s own plans for you. You may not enjoy the paths it takes you down, but you will come from every situation having learned at least something of worth. Your heart is going to be broken. You will have days where you don’t want to get out of bed. And yes, life really does have the nasty habit of kicking you while you’re down. And while everything doesn’t resemble the idea of how situations should pan out in your head, it does give you the opportunity to find other ways to make yourself happy.

And even in the most hopeless moments when life is sucker punching you in the face, remember that you’re lucky. You’re lucky to be alive. You’re lucky to be around people who care for you. You’re lucky that you get to witness the sun set everyday. You’re even lucky that your life gets to have dark moments, because every dark moment will have a light of promise for a better tomorrow to shine on it eventually.

I hope you enjoyed this post! It’s been something that has been stuck on my mind lately and I just had to get this off of my chest. Comment below with your thoughts or even your own opinion of what life’s hardest pills to swallow are. Also, be sure to like and follow for more of my posts! And, as always, stay rad.

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The Mystery Blogger Award

I am filled with disbelief over the fact that I have been nominated for another award. And this time, I was nominated by FOUR different people! Can you believe that? Some people actually kind of sort of enjoy my blog! This is insane!

I am filled with disbelief over the fact that I have been nominated for another award. And this time, I was nominated by FOUR different people! Can you believe that? Some people actually kind of sort of enjoy my blog! This is insane!

Thank you to Manessah, Mrs. AnonymousLavanya, and Thekabys. All four of these creators have blogs that I genuinely enjoy and I simply cannot put into words how shocked/grateful I am that you guys thought to nominate me. Please check them out!

For those of you who don’t know (because I didn’t) the Mystery Blogger Award is awarded to amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. “Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for blogger who find fun and inspiration in blogging and they do it with so much love and passion” – Okoto Enigma (creator).

Now let’s get to the fun part!

THE RULES

  1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well.
  3. Give three facts about yourself and link your best post.
  4. Answer the questions from the person who nominated you.
  5. Nominate other bloggers and ask your nominees 5 questions of your choice.
  6. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.

THE FACTS (ABOUT ME)

  1. I’M NOTHING WITHOUT….. my glasses. I’ve had to wear glasses since I was in first grade because my eyesight is horrific. I cannot read anything from the vision chart– even the massive E– without a little bit of help from my glasses.
  2. MY FAVORITE MAKEUP PRODUCT IS… mascara. I’m a natural blonde so I have been cursed with the fact that both my eyebrows and my eyelashes are ice blonde. If mascara wasn’t a thing then I would constantly look like a rabbit.
  3. I’M A FIRM BELIEVER THAT…. the world is actually a great place. I know that there are a lot of bad things going on and poverty and war leaves a nasty mark on humanity. But there are also so many beautiful things that we overlook, like the amount of nonprofit charities that exist and how beautiful sunsets are everyday.

MY BEST POST 

The Journey to Confidence. This one has the most comments and is also one of my favorites! If you haven’t checked it out, you should! It was really helpful to write.

THE QUESTIONS YOU’RE DYING TO KNOW

Seeing as I was nominated by four people, I’ve decided to take my favorite question from each blogger and then randomly choose the fifth one out of the remaining sixteen.

  1. What’s the best thing about yourself? At first I wasn’t going to answer this. I don’t like to give myself credit for anything because I have this weird complex that I’m not allowed to like myself. But then I was like, no. I want to be confident. I want to start smiling when I look in the mirror. And this could be a baby step in the right direction. I think the best thing about myself is my mind. And looks-wise, my eyes.
  2. A movie or song that resonates with you?? Its Kind of a Funny Story is an amazing book and movie that makes me feel things that I struggle to explain. Also, the song “Girl Almighty” empowers me so much that it’s not even funny.
  3. How different was your life one year ago? So insanely different that it is not even funny. I was in a very dark place. Probably one of the darkest places I’ve ever been in. I just lost someone very meaningful in my life to cancer. On top of that, I was petrified of going to college so far away from home and I wanted to give up before everything even started. All of the changes set out before me was daunting, and I was so sure I was going to be a college dropout before I was technically even a college student. But I went to college anyways and I forced myself to branch out and welcome the changes before me. And now I’m here, in love with my college, happier than I’ve been in a while, and so happy that I didn’t give up.
  4. Who/what inspired you to start blogging? When I was little I was in love with writing. I filled countless journals with written nonsense about everything from cute boys to my fear of death (I was a very intense child). That love for writing about myself shifted into a love about writing for everything. Writing has always been my strong suit in school, and I think its because I genuinely love it. As I’ve gotten older, that love has never stopped. So I decided to find an outlet to continue to write about everything that I feel the urge to, so that’s why this blog was created.
  5. If you could travel back in time and give your younger self some advice, what would it be? Tell people you love them. Don’t think that everyone will think you’re weird for giving them affection. If they’re important to you– tell them. Because one day you won’t be able to and you will regret that you didn’t so, so much.

 

My Questions & Nominations

I’ve decided that this time around, if anybody really likes one of my questions, then they are more than welcome to answer it in the comments! I think it’ll be a great way to start some conversations and maybe even build some new friendships!

  1. What was a defining moment in your life that made you who you are?
  2. What has been your favorite thing about blogging?
  3. What has been your least favorite thing about blogging?
  4. Is there one thing you can do to instantly lift your mood?
  5. If you could have a conversation with anybody (dead or alive) who would it be?

For this award, I’m going to nominate a few of my favorite bloggers that I’ve recently found: Kourtney,  TheLexiEdit, Beauty and the Being, Colour Me Yellow, & Glow Steady!

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If you have read this entire post, then you deserve a cookie! I hope this was an enjoyable read for you! Thanks again to everyone who nominated me. Be sure to leave a comment answering one of my questions. Also, leave a like and don’t be shy– follow me! And, as always, stay rad.

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Failure: The Thing our Parents Didn’t Warn Us About

In life, failure is inevitable. As much as I hate to admit it, not everything in life goes as planned. Not every goal that you set will be achieved. Life isn’t something that can be mapped out, no matter how hard you try. 

Parents are supposed to be like this endless fountain of wisdom springing from their own experience. They teach us everything from how to walk to how to change a flat tire. But, there are some things that they don’t quite prepare us for, like failure.

And no, not the type of failure that happens when you totally bomb a test. I’m talking about the gut-wrenching, tear-causing failure that hits you at your most vulnerable spot. The kind of failure that life throws at you when you least expect it. And even our parents, who are our cheerleaders in life, can’t prepare us for that feeling.

In life, failure is inevitable. As much as I hate to admit it, not everything in life goes as planned. Not every goal that you set will be achieved. Life isn’t something that can be mapped out, no matter how hard you try.

And for somebody that is very organized and goal-oriented, this was a tough pill to swallow. I’ve always been the person who has extremely high expectations. I’ve always wanted to be the best and set an example for everyone else. I’ve always wanted to make everyone proud of how much I can achieve. I just wanted to be perfect.

I’m not quite sure where my desire to always succeed at everything spawned from, but I do know that it ruined my mentality in a lot of things. I worked myself to the maximum, I forfeited my sanity, and I stopped doing things for myself out of my desire to make everyone else proud. And when I failed at being the best, it destroyed me.

When things didn’t go to plan, when my life wasn’t on the track that I imagined it would be, I fell apart. I never wanted to fail at anything, and when it happened, I wasn’t sure if I could ever bounce back. I was ashamed, embarrassed, and never wanted to put myself in the place to fail again. I stopped making goals. I stopped trying so hard. I stopped wanting to be more. And that’s the worse thing I could have done.

You know that phrase where when the horse kicks you off, the only thing you can do is climb on again? I should have done that. But instead, I wallowed in self-pity with my tail tucked between my legs. I didn’t want to put myself in the place where I could fail again. And I did that until I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I only stopped when I realized that I’m not that person. I can’t sit back and not try, because it is in my nature to want to do as much as possible. And I definitely was not going to put everything in my life on pause because I failed at one thing.

So, I picked myself up, told myself I was finished crying, and re-evaluated some things. I realized that I have spent so much time trying to make everyone around me proud that I forgot about what I wanted. I was living for everyone else, not for myself. So, I changed that. I sat down, thought about what made me happy, and set goals to focus more on that.

I accepted the fact that life won’t always be picture perfect. Things won’t always go to plan. Life can be hard and you aren’t going to be the brightest person in the room. There will be difficult times in life that even the longest of parent lectures cannot prepare you for. But that’s what makes life great.

If life didn’t have it’s ugly and hard moments, then the other times wouldn’t be nearly as beautiful. I have learned way more from the times when I failed compare to what I would have if I had just breezed through life. And no, my parents, may not have warned me about just how hard life can knock you down, but that’s fine. Sometimes you just have to learn about how to cope with not living up to your expectations on your own.

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I hope you enjoyed this! Its just something that has been on my mind lately and I felt the need to share it. Tell me if you want to see more motivational posts like this in the future! Be sure to leave a comment, like, and follow! And, as always, stay rad.

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How To Survive: A Music Festival

Ahh, music festivals. A time for good music, outrageous outfits, and the inescapable fumes that could rival a frat house at 2 A.M. all for the small price of at least a hundred dollars. If you’ve ever been to a music festival, then you know that it’s not as simple as buying your ticket and showing up. There’s a lot of planning and preparation that goes into actually being able to enjoy your time at a music festival. And I would know, because I messed up in almost every way possible when I went to the Bunbury Music Festival and just barely survived the experience. I don’t want that to happen to you, dear reader.

So, learn from my mistakes and read on to see how to survive going to a music festival.

Step One:

Make sure you can afford the tickets. If you’re kind of thinking about going to a music festival, then do some research. Make sure you’re a fan of at least a handful of performers. Look at your bank account and decide if it will be worth starving for. And, for the love of God, don’t wait until the last second to get your ticket because they will most definitely sell out.

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Step Two:

So, you bought your ticket. Congratulations. It should all be smooth sailing from now, right? Right? Wrong. Now is the time for you to look at the line-up and make a general idea of who you would want to see and what times they perform. Because what fool would buy tickets to a music festival and not try to make a tentative schedule of what they plan on seeing? (Spoiler alert: I’m the fool. I had no idea when anything was happening. It got confusing so quickly.)

Step Three:

This is the best part. Plan your outfit(s). Look at the weather forecast to see if it will be hotter than Satan’s kitchen or if it will be raining profusely while also being hotter than Satan’s kitchen and arrange your outfit accordingly. Also, wear something you’ll be comfortable. And do not, I repeat do not, wear shoes that are a size too small because your feet will literally never forgive you.

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Step Four:

Find your sleeping arrangements. Whether it be in a tent or at a hotel, have something planned out so that you won’t end up having to sleep on the ground using a map of the festival as a blanket. And if you’re gonna try to stay at a hotel: book it early. Because, once again, they will probably sell out.

Step Five:

Get to your hotel or whatever, get dressed, use the bathroom, and get an Uber. Even if you’re familiar with the city you’re at, still get the Uber because it will be so much cheaper than the obscene price for parking. Also, if you’re planning on drinking, you should definitely make sure that you are unable to get behind the wheel of a car.

Step Six:

You’ve made it! Make sure you stay with a friend at all times. Go to the concerts you want to see. Take part in the food trucks that are there. Buy yourself something horribly overpriced to remember the day by. Oh, and be prepared to sweat. A lot.

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Step Seven:

If you want a great seat to a headliner, get there early. Like, if you were to go see Post Malone, for example, don’t wait until thirty minutes before he’s set to start. Or else you’ll probably get stuck behind that one girl with no respect who has to get on her man’s shoulders and block everyone’s view of the show.

Step Eight:

Schedule your ride home early. Just in the off chance that all of cell service crashes and you find yourself sitting aimlessly in the busy city streets calling your mom in a state of panic because you cannot find a ride home. Also, bring pepper spray, because you might have to find yourself having to scare off a creepy guy who keeps staring at you.

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Step Nine:

Get in your Uber. Enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes from watching the concert. Ignore the horrible smell that has clung to your clothes thanks to the guy who vaped like a freight train right beside you. And have a nice life chat with your Uber who is just trying to pay his way through med school and is oddly very motivational.

Step Ten:

Congratulations! You survived (barely)! Reward yourself with some midnight pizza and look through the obscene amounts of photos and videos you took.

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I hope you enjoyed this! I’m planning on making this into a ‘How To Survive’ series with all different types of scenarios. Comment below if you’ve ever had a failed experience with something that was supposed to be epic. Also, be sure to like and follow. And, as always, stay rad!

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The Inner Battle of Extrovert vs. Introvert

Introverts and extroverts are supposed to be polar opposites. But I have somehow been able to be both. And, to be honest, I don’t mind being both.

Ever since we were little we have been taught about differences of the personality spectrum. We have always been divided into two groups: the introverts and the extroverts. The introverts are the people who enjoy their alone time and are often described as “shy.” Extroverts, on the other hands, are the social butterflies of society. The ones who thrive in large groups of people and hate being left alone. These two different personality types seem to be world’s apart, don’t they? But what happens when someone has a personality that settles somewhere in the middle?

I have spent the last five years of my life trying to answer that question.

Whenever I was little, I was the absolute definition of an introvert. I only had three friends, mostly because they were kind of forced to be my friends because our mothers were friends too. I refused to speak during classes to the point where teachers arranged meetings with my parents to talk about how terribly shy I was. I would get overwhelmed in social situations and would always prefer to cuddle up with a book rather than to go to a birthday party. I was an introvert, and I wasn’t ashamed of it. That is just who I was.

But then as I got older, things changed. I started putting myself out there. I didn’t want to be the wallflower anymore, I wanted to be the tallest sunflower in the whole meadow. So I took chances, joined clubs, and started using my voice. And, truth be told, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed being the person that was not afraid to make new friends. I enjoyed being heard. 

I started hanging out with friends more often. I spoke in front of large crowds. I found myself thriving in social situations that I would have went to great lengths to avoid in the past. So, by that logic I should identify as an extrovert now, right?

Wrong. 

Because even though I now find myself aligning more on the extroverted side of the spectrum more than I ever thought I would, I still have a lot of introverted tendencies. I still enjoy staying at home all alone. I still have times where I get overwhelmed with the thought of having to be around a lot of people. Oh, and I definitely still have severe shyness that I have to force myself to overcome almost everyday. So, where does that leave me?

Introverts and extroverts are supposed to be polar opposites. But I have somehow been able to be both. And, to be honest, I don’t mind being both. I like that I am able to hold a conversation with anybody and can spark friendships in the matter of minutes. But I also like that I am more than okay with staying the night in with only a book as my company. I like that I don’t constantly want to feel alone, but I don’t necessarily need to be surrounded by others either. It feels like the perfect balance for me, and that makes me feel more satisfied than I would if I was a full extrovert or a full introvert.

And I feel like I’m not the only person who is like this, I have plenty of friends that can be shy or would rather spend their time alone but they can also be a social butterfly if they need to be. Honestly, personality types don’t stay set in stone for our whole lives. We evolve and mature with age as we learn how to adjust our social lives to benefit us.

So, I’m not just an introvert. Or just an extrovert. I’m just a happy mixture of both and that is more than fine with me. I’m satisfied with being an extroverted introvert.

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I hope that someone relates to this! Surely I cannot be the only extroverted introvert out there. Comment below about your personality type and if you’re happy with it! Also, be sure to like and follow! And as always, stay rad. 

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My Freshman Year of College: The Truth

My freshman year gave me more than new friends and knowledge–  it also helped me find a passion. I was able to fuel my interest in helping those in need around me. I was able to spend a lot of my time giving back to my community and it fulfilled me. It was also nice being able to be around other people who loved to volunteer as well because you should always surround yourself with positive influences.

A few weeks ago, I officially finished my freshman year of college, and it was great.

Now that’s not a phrase I ever imagined myself saying. Mostly because I’m a first generation college student and even though I’ve always known that I wanted to be a college student, I was never entirely sure if it was an achievable goal for me. I don’t come from a necessarily prosperous family and I didn’t really have much guidance when it came to choosing which college would be my future home, but I went with my gut and decided to go to a college that was three hours away from my home in a town that I had never even visited before.

So, it’s safe to say that I was petrified when I first walked onto that campus. I only had one friend, I was unsure of my major, and I was gut-wrenchingly homesick within the matter of hours. On my first day of orientation, I actually locked myself into the communal bathroom in my hall and cried for fifteen minutes just because I was so unsure if I was meant to be a college student.

I didn’t understand so many things, like dorm etiquette and how to get my roommate to like me and what is the best way to buy text books and should I get involved in clubs and if so which clubs should I join and there were just— so many questions that I was too terrified to ask anyone because I was too embarrassed to own up to the fact that I was not nearly as well-versed in the intricate workings of college like how everyone else appeared to be. I missed my friends, my family, my dog. I missed having the security of being at home.

And I stayed that way for, I don’t know, the first few weeks? The feeling of homesickness was just so difficult to get rid of. And I was so upset with myself for not being happier at college because I worked so hard to get where I was and then for a while I wasn’t even that secure in my decision. I wanted to talk to someone about how lost I felt, but I was too ashamed. I didn’t want people to see that I wasn’t as strong as I had let on.

But then, I hit a point where I decided to stop wallowing in the feeling of homesickness and take the leap to do more than go to college and actually enjoy college. I stopped spending all of my time in my room and made myself branch out. I went to the events that were held for freshmen to make us feel more welcome, and I asked around to see which clubs people recommended. I ended up being intrigued into joining two different organizations: a leadership club for freshmen and a sorority.

Joining these two different organizations changed my college experience in ways that I can’t explain. I surrounded myself with people who pushed me to be better versions of myself. They motivated me to do community service, meet new people, and maintain my GPA. The mixture of these clubs also helped me meet people from all across campus and even get familiar with the new city I was living in. I found myself in a new community filled with so many loving, passionate people who have so much greatness destined for them that it made me feel like I was destined for greatness too.

I still got homesick at times, and I even had a few close loved ones pass away over the course of my first semester. But since I branched out and formed close relationships on campus, I was able to find people to lean on during the hard times.

If I didn’t have them, I would have definitely dropped out after my first midterms. And not even because I had bad grades or anything, but because I would have still felt so miserably alone and homesick.

My freshman year gave me more than new friends and knowledge–  it also helped me find a passion. I was able to fuel my interest in helping those in need around me. I was able to spend a lot of my time giving back to my community and it fulfilled me. It was also nice being able to be around other people who loved to volunteer as well because you should always surround yourself with positive influences.

And these positive influences helped me push myself during my second semester. I found the confidence to run for positions in both of my organizations and ended up getting places in both. I was able to help more with community service in my sorority and somehow was given the position of president of my leadership club. I tried to set a good example to others during that second semester and push everyone else to get involved too because of how rewarding the experience can be. I found myself realizing how much I have grown as a leader and just as a person in general during my first year at college, and I realized I wanted to help others grow too.

During this time, I also had a few other experiences like trying sushi and going to an art museum and just living life with less fear than I had before college. I went from a girl who was terrified of living the simple comfort of her home in the country to a woman that was embracing all of the possibilities the city had to offer. I knew that I was changing, and for the first time in my life I wasn’t scared of the change.

I feel like college pushed me in so many ways to want to do more, to be more, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I made so many new lifelong friends, challenged my old mindsets, and grew as a leader in ways I cannot describe. I know that I had a rough patch in the start, but I wouldn’t trade my college experience for anything.

And I can only hope that my sophomore year of college is just as amazing as this year.

I hope that you enjoyed this little journal entry of sorts. Feel free to share what your college experience was like! Be sure to like, comment, and follow! 

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