Life’s Hardest Pills to Swallow

As I’ve went through life and experienced different setbacks, I have come across what I call some of life’s hardest pills to swallow, which are the harsh truths of life that kind of contradict everything that we have been told at a young age. 

When we were kids, we were taught several important lessons. And these lessons can range from always chew with your mouth closed to the mantra of “sharing is caring.” Our minds are filled to the brim of different wisdoms that cause for us to cultivate some sort of expectation about how life should work. We learn that if we say sorry, then we will be forgiven. We are taught that if we treat people with kindness, then people will be kind in return. And, if we love someone, then they will definitely love us back.

But, as we grow older and gain more experiences, we learn that this bits of wisdoms are not as rigidly true as they are made out to be. Life cannot be contained into following the path that you want it to. People aren’t going to act the way you expect them to. And these facts can lead to you facing some realizations that you weren’t ever really prepared for.

As I’ve went through life and experienced different setbacks, I have come across what I call some of life’s hardest pills to swallow, which are the harsh truths of life that kind of contradict everything that we have been told at a young age.

Sometimes People Are Just Not Going to Like You

This was extremely difficult for me to accept because I am the definition of a people pleaser. I have this unyielding desire for everyone I meet to like me. I want everyone to smile when they think of me and only ponder over my good qualities. But life isn’t like that. There have been several people who disliked me from my first impression due to my terrible case of RBF and I was able to rationalize that they just haven’t gotten the chance to know the real me. But even after people have seen my real personality, I have had people who just didn’t like me and there was nothing I could do to change that.

And, at first, I couldn’t stand it. I wanted people to like me so badly that it wounded me when somebody did not. I would spend all of my energy trying to convince these people that I was worth their time and that I had qualities that I felt they would enjoy. And the only result of that was me wasting my time on people who completely lacked interest.

So, I decided to invest my time in people who actually cared for me then those who did not. It is so much more beneficial to the care of your deep friendships rather than sacrifice them because you’re so busy trying to impress those who don’t even care. Instead of obsessing over what was wrong with me, I started to see the qualities of myself that the ones close to me adore and I continued to build on those instead.

Learning this life lesson caused for me to suffer a big blow to my confidence, but in the end, I think it has helped me grow in ways that I can’t really articulate.

You Can’t Decide When You Should Be Forgiven

When you do something wrong, you should say sorry. That’s a simple fact. And you should apologize when you hurt somebody, don’t get me wrong on that. But the thing that is often glossed over is that when we say sorry, we immediately expect someone to accept our apology and forgive us. But that’s not really how life actually pans out.

If you hurt someone’s feelings, you can’t decide when the person should be over it. Even if you are truly sorry and regret what you have done, it’s not up to you to feel that the entire ordeal should be forgiven. You don’t have control over the emotions of others. The only thing you can do in this situation is be respectful of the other person’s feelings and be aware that the world doesn’t move at the pace that you wish it did. I know it’s difficult when you apologize to someone and they don’t forgive you because that goes against everything that we have been taught since we were little. But life doesn’t always perfectly mirror all of the morals that we have ingrained in our minds. My only advice to someone in a similar situation is to remember that action speaks louder than words, so truly show your remorse through your behavior to this person.

You Are Not Entitled to Have Someone’s Love

This seems to be one of the most difficult pills to swallow for some people. When it comes to love, we have been told that true love will always win out in the end. And if you love someone but they haven’t given you that love in return, then you should continue to make them fall for you. But that is definitely not the case.

If someone doesn’t love you back, respect that. Just because you feel that you deserve a fairy tale ending with someone does not mean that they will ever feel the same way. Sometimes people just simply won’t reciprocate your feelings and you can’t get angry with them because of that because you are not entitled to have them be returned.

Does it feel like you are being stabbed in the heart when someone doesn’t love you the way you love them? Yes. But you have to remember that you cannot control someone’s heart. You can’t make them feel something that they cannot. And if you try to convince them into feeling something that they don’t and try to force a relationship, it will only hurt you even more because you are not going to be as happy as you thought you would be. Someone might make you the happiest person on Earth, but that doesn’t mean that you are the person that makes them happy. And that’s the cold, hard truth. But you can maintain a relationship with this person and use this experience as a lesson for the next time you devote your love to someone because you will find your person eventually.

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I know that this post may seem a little dark, but I don’t intend for it to feel that way. These are all important lessons in life, and even if you haven’t experienced these situations before, you can take a lot away from this.

Personally, I have taken away the knowledge that you cannot have complete control over every aspect of your life, no matter how badly you want to be in control. Life has it’s own plans for you. You may not enjoy the paths it takes you down, but you will come from every situation having learned at least something of worth. Your heart is going to be broken. You will have days where you don’t want to get out of bed. And yes, life really does have the nasty habit of kicking you while you’re down. And while everything doesn’t resemble the idea of how situations should pan out in your head, it does give you the opportunity to find other ways to make yourself happy.

And even in the most hopeless moments when life is sucker punching you in the face, remember that you’re lucky. You’re lucky to be alive. You’re lucky to be around people who care for you. You’re lucky that you get to witness the sun set everyday. You’re even lucky that your life gets to have dark moments, because every dark moment will have a light of promise for a better tomorrow to shine on it eventually.

I hope you enjoyed this post! It’s been something that has been stuck on my mind lately and I just had to get this off of my chest. Comment below with your thoughts or even your own opinion of what life’s hardest pills to swallow are. Also, be sure to like and follow for more of my posts! And, as always, stay rad.

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Are Your Friends Good For You?

Toxic friendships are hard to spot, because it is often difficult to be able to take a step back and realize that the relationship you have with someone is being mentally harmful to you. So, how are you supposed to decide when friendships are toxic? 

Friends, they come in different shapes, sizes– and dynamics.

We all have friends. But, not every friendship is the same. There are the friendships where your counterpart knows every secret that you own, and then there are the ones where you never delve far beneath the surface of formalities. And one of these types of friendships aren’t necessarily superior to the other, because we all need different types of friendships at different times in our lives. But, there is a type of friendship that you should try to avoid at all costs: and that is a toxic friendship.

And toxic friendships are hard to spot, because it is often difficult to be able to take a step back and realize that the relationship you have with someone is being mentally harmful to you. So, how are you supposed to decide when friendships are toxic?

First off, you can decide if a friendship is good for you or not by thinking about how you feel after spending time with them. If a being around a certain friend consistently makes you feel anxious or upset with yourself, then they’re probably not a good friend. If your friend is mentally tearing you down or treats you in a certain way that makes you feel less confident in yourself, then that is just simply someone you should not keep around in your life if you have the option. Life is a short adventure, so don’t waste your time on someone that will make you stop appreciating the beauty of it. If you can’t make yourself enjoy the time you spend a friend, then why continue to spend time with them?

Another sign that a friendship might be toxic is if you have an intense amount of competition with them. A bit of friendly competition is okay, seeing as it can push you to expand your limits and work to become a better version of yourself. But, when the friendship becomes entirely centered on besting them and always trying to be one step ahead of your friend, then it is no longer healthy. It’s not really a friendship if the only time you put energy into the relationship is to try to be better than the other. Especially because if you let this become a full-blown rivalry but you end up needing a shoulder to lean on, the chance of that friend taking anything you confide to them to use against you is extremely likely.

Speaking of a friendship that is bordering on becoming frenemies, you should also think about being careful befriending someone that you feel resentment towards. If you find yourself being close with someone that you want to talk badly about after they leave the room– don’t. Don’t be that friend who is slightly two-faced because if you want to gossip harshly about your supposed friend, then the people who witness you act that way will not want to trust you as a friend either. Anyways, if you don’t genuinely enjoy being friends with someone, then don’t be. You know that you don’t want to have a toxic friendship in your life, so you should also make the effort to not be the toxic friend either.

Overall, friendships should be something that have a positive impact in your life. The friendship does not have to be deep and soul-bearing, and you don’t even have to love the unconditionally. But you should want to smile when you think of your friend. A good friend doesn’t tear you down, and you shouldn’t want to tear that friend down either. Life can be crazy and unpredictable, and you want to have a good friendship that you can rely on. They might not be perfect, but if a friendship makes you happy then it is most definitely worth it. Just make sure that the friendship is actually good for you.

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Eternally Single

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes pushing a baby carriage. This is supposed to be the general outline of an adult life. 

But what happens if you can’t even find love?

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes pushing a baby carriage. This is supposed to be the general outline of an adult life.

But what happens if you can’t even find love?

No, I’m serious. What if you genuinely seem to be incapable of loving another person in a romantic way? What if you have spent the entirety of your life being single and honestly don’t see that changing anytime soon? What are you supposed to do, invest in cat toys?

And, as a quick disclaimer, I want you to be aware of the fact that this is in no way me making a half-assed ploy to lure someone into loving me. Because I truly don’t know if I am made for love. This is no way a self-depreciating statement, either. I just honestly find myself to be too independent and too unwilling to let myself fall in love when I have other important things to do like build up my resume, maintain my GPA, and prepare for a future where I can be happy and successful. I’m not writing this to have comments saying “don’t worry, love will come your way soon!” or “Don’t be so hard on yourself! Love will come at the time when you least expect it!”

I haven’t expected love in the last nineteen years of my life, and it hasn’t made it’s advances to me. And honestly, I’m happy with not being loved.

There’s something in my brain that just makes me feel this adverse reaction to love. When someone shows genuine affection or attraction to me, I feel repulsed.

Seriously.

Love repulses me. And that’s like the opposite of what I should feel. So. There’s that.

And, no, I’m not saying that there is not a chance that there might be someone to come into my life and change my entire outlook. There is definitely a chance of that happening, and as I have learned from the great philosopher, Justin Bieber, you should “never say never.” But right now I seriously cannot see myself falling in love.

I feel like I’m at the point of my life where there are so many things up in the air. I mean, I am in the first breaths of being an adult, and I quite honestly don’t think I am a balanced enough of a person to be able to prioritize myself as well as a partner. In this certain era of my life, I have some serious questions to answer. I have to figure out what I want to do as a career, where I want to live, and learn how to manage adult things like taxes and health insurance. And don’t even get me started on how much money it takes to provide myself the bare essentials like food and water and wifi. At this point, I am a minimally functioning adult with a lot of learning left to do. I can hardly take care of myself and keep myself happy. How can I provide for a partner too on top of that?

And I know that having someone to love might release some of my stress, but I just genuinely can’t see myself loving someone. Every time I get emotionally close to someone, I feel consumed with this need to push them away. Also, in this day and age, it is increasingly hard to be a virgin in a relationship. Especially if you don’t plan on losing your virginity anytime soon. But that’s a whole other blog post.

I think at this point in time, I am just confused. Love is confusing. Everyone around me seems to be on the prowl for their future husband. Or for their next lay. But either way neither of those things interest me. And I know everyone says that I will find love when I’m ready, but what if I am never ready?

What if love just isn’t for me? What happens then? Am I destined to live a life that is akin to every Tina Fey movie ever where everyone around me thrives and finds love and I funnel my entire life into my job because it is my only sense of purpose? Seriously, what happens?

Society acts like a woman’s only purpose is to fall in love and have children. But what about the women that are happier being single? Do I have no purpose anymore?

I wish I could find the answers to my questions. But it’s not like you can just go online and say “Hey Google, I am a coldhearted idiot who seems to be incapable of loving. Fix me!”

So, that’s why I’m writing this. Is there anyone else who is eternally single too? Did someone think that they were destined to be single forever but then their soulmate came in and changed everything? Should I try to force myself into dating even though I hate it?

Seriously, what am I supposed to do?